Week 2 has been and gone, 3 days of which I've been man down. I was due on my period Day 11 which didn't arrive until Day 13.. to all my ladies that can relate to the PMS rollercoaster, you know these two days felt like 2 weeks! PLEASE JUST LET ME BLEED.
Overall stress for the week 6/10 (Health anxiety and real life events happening)
Overall energy for the week 4/10 (period related and some poor sleep)
Sex Drive existence - 2/10 ( a few sparks happened below but nothing that resulted in a happy ending 😂 - trust me it wasn't through want of trying! R.I.P Vagina... we will be reunited again soon...🙏🏻)
Aches and pains - 7/10 (Jaw, hips, back - hello darkness my old friend)
Headaches - 3/10 (I think related to the Jaw tensions, after Gua Sha it backed off - see my demo on Insta if you want to help ease Jaw ache).
Bloat/ Digestion issue -6 /10 (PMS and period related)
Anyhoo, since this week was a combination of the build up to my period, and my period starting it was never going to be a walk in the park. For abit of background, before I started HRT in September last year, my periods were the definition of HELL. The build up, the actually bleed, the recovery post period - it really did control my life and consumed 3 weeks out of the 4 - no way to live let me tell ya! The actual period was so bad that in my previous job I had to start working from home on bleed days - I'd had a few embarrassing experiences and I just couldn't face running out of another meeting, or having to block the bathroom door while I stripped off and corrected my clothing! What's funny about this is even when this was happening, I never once questioned whether it was normal - I did that thing us women do and just accepted it as being a woman and that these were my periods! Combine this with the extreme pre menstrual fatigue the week before ... and the post period exhaustion/ anaemia , it was pretty debilitating as a whole. In fact , if you are a women reading this, and your periods are to put it bluntly... shit, this is your body communicating to you. Something isn't quite right internally and this is why your periods are like this! Go get yourself checked out and speak to your GP. *Side note - did you know that on average it takes around 10 years for someone to be diagnosed with Endometriosis? If you're having really painful periods look this up.. it is BLEAK. Who knows maybe I have it, maybe that's at the heart of all my issues, the NHS doesn't make this easy to find out though and in some cases they don't know until they open you up!*
Anyway, where were we.. ah yes week 2! I'd say it has been a rollercoaster with some tough days physically and emotionally but then i've been able to bounce back! Confession - going into this week I had a little health anxiety. Basically, because last week was no way near as bad as I thought, I went down a rabbit hole of thinking oh god what if it has been HRT that's been making me ill, what if its not perimenopause/ menopause related - the idea of going back to the drawing board was terrifying. This health journey of mine has been going on for 2.5 years now and although most women at my age may feel sad when they hear they are early to enter menopause, I was so grateful for an answer that I just rolled with it. My partner has been an absolute angel and has been there for me every step of the way, and he's been no different these last few weeks. We've had a few things we needed to deal with this week (adult stuff and related to other peoples bad behaviour) so combined with my health anxieties, I have found this week more stressful than last.
As soon as I got my period yesterday, and the horrendous cramping, low energy and eeeeeeeemoooootons hit, I was like hang on Jade, this is definitely hormone related lol. Why did I spend the last few days prior to this convincing myself that it wasn't? And then I was able to connect the dots, my anxiety is creeping back. The anxiety that pretty much went AWOL when I started HRT, the same anxiety many women experience when their hormones fluctuate. I hope this helps you to see that even though I am well versed in the symptoms, I hold menopause workshops helping others with theirs, and yet STILL, my own symptoms can creep up on me and my mind plays tricks. Sooo be kind to yourself always, this week has been a week of positive affirmations, gentle flows and cuddles with my partner/ the dog/ my pillow/ even myself lol..
Weekly download:
Day 8 - Jaw ache started to brew.. not terrible but I could feel it. Otherwise a productive day, I did yoga 1 hr, walk 45 mins, cycled to Library, studied. ✅
Day 9- Jaw ache continued but still not terrible .. I ate well but had a big energy drop at lunch time - the cravings commenced but I fought back and ate well. This energy dip was something I used to feel constantly pre HRT, almost as though I was sugar low, could lay down and be in a deep sleep within seconds kinda vibe. I ate and within 15 minutes I perked up. Walked the dog, but was tired.
Day 10- Jaw ache upped a notch - I woke up and my Jaw was soo achey - I'd clearly been churning in the night. In Menopause Yoga we relate night time churning to all the unspoken words or unexpressed feelings we have within us. It's our body's way of letting us know that there's something under the surface that needs processing. I had more anxious dreams, filled with triggers, family, old friends, ex partners. This left me feeling pretty tired today, by late afternoon I wanted to nap but I didn't, I just relaxed.
Day 11- Saturday - D DAY AKA period due date (also explains why I was tired and anxious the day before). Woke up feeling grumpy... then ok.. then grumpy 😂. Very up and down PMT type symptoms , one minute I wanted to sob, the next frowning, the next in need of cuddles. God bless Jamie, he's deserves an award. No period came... I taught my yoga classes and then had a very chill afternoon in the back garden.
Day 12- Woke up cried, started to mourn my sex drive, felt pretty low- spoke to Jamie about it, felt better for it afterwards. I'll go into more detail on this in the passage below the weekly download. Still no period but I did start getting cramps. I did a gentle yoga flow for cramps and PMS. In the afternoon I was absolutely fine, did paddle board yoga, it was something different, the sun was shining and it involved YOGA so of course it felt good 😁. It was good fun so worth a go if you fancy it. It felt good to get out though.
Attempted sex, big fat fail as zero sensation at all. I cried (again), felt very hormonal . Went to sleep and prayed for the period to follow to put my out of this rollercoaster ride.
Gua Sha - I used my Gua Sha with lavender oil to help relax my face and tension. This was brewing all week so I finally just took the time to do it and it made my neck feel so much better! Video on my instagram...
Day 13- Sex attempt - FAIL. Tears. Emotional. Feel disconnected from own body - this has been a big theme for this week. Period started later in the day and my god did it pack a bunch. my stomach was cramping as though I was in labour (ok not quite that bad lol - NOTHING IS THAT BAD! but I knew about it). I binge watched Queen Charlotte- a Bridgeton Story on Netflix which made me heart feel full. I bloody love a romance. The day consisted of being on the sofa, taking pain relief, and finishing with a bath.
Day 14 - Today. Period in full flow but cramps have eased (thank the lord), still feeling heavy but much better than yesterday and certainly more stable mentally. Praise Be! I'm looking forwards to teaching Yoga later and doing something that makes me feel good! I hope to walk the dog today as I wasn't able to yesterday.
OK so the theme of this week is an achey Jaw, feeling disconnected with my body and generally dealing with my PMS/ Early days of period. Ive called this blog Jaws because each of these were sneaking up on my as the days past.. picture the Great White Shark in the film lurking beneath the surface, praying on its victims then STRIKE. This was like me this week, although my symptoms were sneaking up with the theme tune all week, and my period was the show down. I'm pleased to say that having now bled, I am back to myself lol. What a journey!
I want to touch on this feeling of being disconnected with my body. When I got ill, my sex drive went, I was sad but also convinced myself this was just life and maybe I just didn't want it anymore. I think many other woman do this as they reach perimenopause/ menopause. Of course this was at the heart of many conversations with Jamie, he felt rejected which is really tough for our partners. I didn't know what was happening so struggled to reassure him. When I finally got talking to a GP re perimenopause she said this was normal and that HRT can help - no surprise that for us to have a sex drive, we need the very same hormones that are fluctuating/ non existent throughout the menopause journey. So I started taking HRT (progesterone and oestrogen to start) hoping my sex drive would cone back to next day which of course it didn't. And actually, this can be the last thing to come back when you start taking HRT so be patient. I started taking Testosterone about 3 months in and this made a huge difference. I got sensation back, I actually started to instiate sex again and hallelujah we were back in business.... Until I was told I had to come off HRT for further tests and this was the first thing I was sad about. I had just been reconnected with my body for the first time in well over a year and now I had to stop taking it. This is something we take for absolute granted when we're younger and it really is tough when our hormones start to change and we can't even rely on our body to respond. So I think this week has just been triggering as I miss feeling in control of my body, something so many perimenopausal / menopausal women can relate to. Anyhoo, we spoke about and I felt so much better - so did Jamie. It's important to speak to your partner about these things, keep them in the loop otherwise they can start thinking all sorts. You'll both benefit from the talk. Also, keep trying :-)
Anyway, big week, not the best, some dark days/ moments but as I conclude this, other than being on my period I feel mentally stable and fine. Long may it last..... haha, if only, next joke.
Roll on next week where I'm hoping I can report on a breezy period without it relating in anaemia.
Sending you love and light,
Jade
⭐️
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